Do You Kiss Yourself in the Mirror

My son loves his reflection. Even when he thought the person staring back at him was another awesome baby, he would squeal and smile whenever his "friend" came to visit. Now that he is old enough to understand that it is in fact himself staring back at him, he loves his reflection even more. He loves it so much that he will run right up to the mirror and give it lots of kisses.



This practice, while adorable in childhood, would be called narcissistic, vain and self-absorbed if done by an adult. I for one would probably burst out in a fit of nervous laughter if told to kiss my reflection. I'm not sure if I can even say the words, "I love myself," without feeling a little bit awkward. Even smiling proudly at what looks back at me is tough.



I'm sure I'm not alone. Young children don't yet have those feelings of shame and self doubt. Though sadly I'm hearing of kids having body image and other self-esteem issues at earlier ages than ever before. Is it not long before my son succumbs to those negative feelings? Will my own words and actions unintentionally lead him to feel badly about himself? Will I know what to say if he asks me why he is not as tall as so-and-so, or as smart, or as popular?



I know that before I can ask my son to love himself, I have to love myself first. I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling like that is no easy task. I look in the mirror and see flaws, I read about others accomplishments and feel inadequate, I question my life and feel unsatisfied.



Becoming a parent has forced me to challenge all of those things. When you need to be there for your child, there is little room for self doubt. There is barely enough time to think about anything. Still, there are those moments when negativity creeps in and fills your head with shame and self-loathing.



We teach our children to love themselves. We praise their accomplishments and tell them how wonderful they are. We hope they never feel a moment of shame and unworthiness. We do all this for our children, and maybe we should do more of this for ourselves.



In the story of Narcissus, Narcissus drowns after becoming infatuated with his reflection in the water. This story is held up as the ultimate cautionary tale of the danger of loving oneself too much. I think it's time for a new interpretation. I think we could all use the chance to completely drown ourselves in love. Are you ready to take the plunge?



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Life. Life. Now!

This a talk from the Beyond Conference I gave in March, 2015 about living life in the present. I spoke about my weight loss journey and recovering from a seizure I had in October, 2014.



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Parents Need Answers About Youth Sports Concussions

When 49ers inside linebacker Chris Borland announced his early retirement from the NFL after just one season, the league and fans reacted with shock. But as a father, a neuroscientist and a geriatrician, I can imagine all too well the immense relief that Borland's parents likely felt knowing they would no longer have to watch their son take a beating on Sunday afternoons.



My life's work is ending Alzheimer's disease and related dementias, the very things that Borland feared developing in his later life. I am deeply committed to strengthening our scientific understanding of the causes of dementia--including untangling the impact of sports-related childhood concussions (the sort that Borland suffered before entering the NFL) on later-life cognitive function.



As a parent, it wouldn't take much evidence for me to decide to keep my two now grown children out of high-impact sports like football and soccer. But as a scientist and a physician, I have a different perspective: I can see clearly just how much we still don't know--and how much we need to learn--to make well-founded, smart public health recommendations about childhood sports participation and concussion risks.



When it comes to adult traumatic brain injury and dementia risks, the evidence is more established. Last year, the NFL stated in federal court documents that it expects nearly a third of its retired players to develop long-term cognitive problems and predicted that the conditions are likely to emerge at "notably younger ages" than in the general population.



There's a key difference, though, between what we know about the link between adult traumatic brain injury and later life dementia, and what we know about childhood concussions and later life dementia. The truth is, we know very little about how childhood concussions influence the risk for dementia in adulthood. We need to accelerate this research so that parents and coaches can make better decisions about youth sport participation, practice policies and competition rules.



This month, I co-authored a consensus statement published in Nature Reviews Neurology about the need to advance research into the short-term and long-term neuropsychological outcomes of youth sports-related concussions. The statement was the result of a meeting convened by Safe Kids Worldwide, the Alzheimer's Drug Discovery Foundation and the Andrews Institute for Orthopaedics and Sports Medicine. The meeting brought together more than 25 experts in a variety of fields including neurology, sports injury reporting, ethics, genetics, biomarkers, dementia and neuroimaging. The group concluded that there is not enough evidence to establish a clear link between early-life repetitive head impacts and adult cognitive decline and dementia. This is contrasted by what is known about similar head impact injuries in adults and the established risk of later-life cognitive decline and dementia.



So how can we get answers about childhood concussions and late life dementia risks? We need to improve our understanding of the fundamental biology of concussions and how factors like age, sex and genetics influence concussion susceptibility and recovery. We need to support continued research and development of brain imaging techniques that shed light on the pathology of pediatric brain injury and have the potential to accelerate the development of novel therapies.



Moreover, we need to improve local and nationwide injury surveillance, eventually tracking youth athletes from the beginning of their athletic careers. According to the CDC, there were 250,000 nonfatal traumatic brain injuries recorded among individuals under the age of 19 in 2009, constituting 65 percent of all sports-related concussions. Many more may have incurred undiagnosed concussions and could suffer consequences in the future.



With better monitoring we can improve our understanding of the scope of the problem by conducting a large, long-term study following youth athletes across their athletic careers to determine the influence of repetitive head impacts on the risk of developing late-life cognitive decline and dementia.



The bottom line: we need to establish and encourage clear lines of research in many different but complementary fields to improve our knowledge and translate that data into actionable guidelines.



Chris Borland did not make his decision lightly, but he had the benefit of stronger research surrounding the link between adult concussions and dementia risk.



"The decision was simple after I had done a lot of research and it was personal," Borland said on "Face the Natioon" on Sunday, March 25. "I was concerned about neurological diseases down the road if I continued to play football.



It's not yet a simple decision for the parents of children playing high-impact sports. But with more research and better surveillance, we can ensure that parents, coaches, policymakers and physicians have the information they need to make educated decisions to protect the long-term health of young athletes.



from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1NFMEkd

How My Husband Transformed My Son's MRI Scans Into Incredible Adventures

My son was 2 years old when he had his first MRI scan. After a long, painful night in the emergency room, a CT scan confirmed what we feared: Andrew had a tumor behind his left eye. An MRI was needed to get a clearer and more detailed picture of the horror we were facing.



On that first occasion, the MRI tech took him out of my arms and I listened to my son shriek my name over and over again with his arms flailing as he was carried down a very long, very white hallway. "Maaaama!! Maaaama!!! Mamaaaa!!!" Hearing his screams left me heartbroken and incredulous. It seemed like unnecessary trauma for a child who had already been through so much. Following his MRI and a biopsy, Andrew was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma, a type of bone cancer.



The next time Andrew had a scan, my husband and I requested that we be allowed into the room with him until he fell asleep (from the anesthesia). The anesthesiologist looked at us skeptically, but he let us in. When we walked into the sterile room with the big whirring machine, I think we were all terrified. Andrew was afraid to lie down, and my husband and I were afraid of what the test would find. I was trying to convince Andrew to relax on the table by rubbing his head and telling him he was safe and would be OK. But it wasn't working.



And then my husband was inspired: "The mask is part of your spacesuit!" he told Andrew. "You need to breathe different air because you are going to a different atmosphere!" He told him that the MRI machine was a rocket ship, and he would be traveling to different planets and visiting funny aliens who told jokes. He told Andrew that he if he could be brave, he would get to see amazing things. The tension in the room disappeared. Everyone was smiling. Andrew decided he would wear the mask and be brave. He relaxed on the table, quickly fell asleep, and we left the room.



Since that time, Andrew has had at least 15 more MRIs. He currently returns every six months as part of his follow-up care. With each one, my husband tells a new story. "The mask smells stinky because you are going back in time to see dinosaurs! They fart A LOT! It's OK!" The MRI has doubled as a time machine, a rocket ship to circle the earth, a UFO to visit alien nations and even a brain transfer machine. Following one of his scans, the anesthesiologist returned to our room to tell us that Andrew had done well, and that it had been the smoothest parent involvement he had ever experienced.



Andrew turned 7 this year, and now actually looks forward to his MRIs. (I wish I could say the same.) A month ago, as I was tucking him into bed, he said, "I can't wait for my rocket ship ride so that I can come back and tell my friends what Jupiter and Venus look like!"



Andrew had his most recent MRI three weeks ago. It marked four years post-treatment. His trip into outer space was a success! My favorite part of the story: His tests were all clear.












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This Is Nursing

This is why I fell in love with my coworkers and with our nursing profession. I cannot look at this picture without getting a little teary. If you're religious, what religion you practice, whatever it is you may believe in... none of it matters. When we've had a horrific outcome, when we have had a close call, when one of our own is sick, we come together. We pray for our patients, we pray for their babies, we pray for our families, and we pray for our coworkers.



When times are tough. When times are rough.



This is nursing. It's nurses, and physicians, and midwives, and unit clerks, and scrub techs, and patient care assistants and management, and even housekeepers! We are family. This is one of my work families, and I'm so proud to say that I work here, at Houston Methodist San Jacinto. Whatever our days bring, whatever walks through the door, we have each other. This isn't going on at just this hospital, in this city. This happens at every hospital, everywhere. I hope the people we serve know how we care for them, how we hurt for them. And I know how we care and hurt for each other. Sometimes we huddle together in the break room, sometimes we hug each other in an empty room. When we are blindsided by the unexpected or when our patients are blindsided, we cry together, we cry alone, and we cry at home. We're the only ones that know what kind of work we really do, and if we didn't have each other, it just wouldn't be nursing.

Until my next delivery ♥

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Anxiety About Anxiety Can Cause Anxiety

There was an 8-year-old crying at after-school pick up today. She was almost hysterical, racing back and forth, saying she wanted to go home, and that she was afraid. I asked the counselor what was going on and it seemed the young girl had an untied shoe lace and felt she was going to die as a result. The counselor kept telling her to stop crying, that she wasn't going to die, there was nothing to be afraid of and to stop it. This just increased the child's hysteria.



I walked over and said, "It's okay to be afraid. It can be scary." Immediately, she stopped crying and looked at me. I said. "Can you breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth like me?" and I began to breathe slowly, modeling what I wanted her to do. She began to do it, eyes locked with mine. We breathed together and mellowed the beast of anxiety.



I write this not as a kudos to me, but as a show of compassion for people who experience any level of anxiety. It is a nasty companion.



I believe that the young girl truly felt that she was gong to die, and here's why: Her heart was probably pounding incredibly fast; her head was probably hurting from clenching her jaw; she was jumpy and probably felt out of control. All of these symptoms of anxiety can be terrifying, which just increases the anxiety.



Anxiety about anxiety can cause anxiety.



The fastest way to stop anxiety is to pop a Xanax. Gotcha! The even faster way is to breathe. Slowly and steadily. And walk through your body: Is my heart racing? Check. Is my head hurting? Check. Am I sweating? Check. Thank you, body, for showing me I need to get more oxygen to my brain. Breathe.



Oxygen to the brain helps slow down the train of anxiety and allows you to see things a bit more clearly. That high-pitched hysteria you were feeling is now ebbing to a softer edginess. The more you breathe, the gentler you feel. You're in charge again, not anxiety.



And talk to yourself the way I spoke to that young girl. No judgment. "It's okay to be scared." I didn't agree or disagree that there was something to be afraid of; I allowed her to feel what she was feeling. I didn't fight her anxiety; I invited it to the table. And in that gesture, anxiety released its grip.



Give yourself the gifts of breathing and no judgment. Share this with your family, friends, coworkers -- anyone you know who has slight or more intense anxiety. I don't propose that medication is unnecessary. In fact, medication can be amazing. But relying on medication alone can feed the feeling of helplessness so many anxiety sufferers experience. It's empowering, and immediately effective, to be an active participant in managing one's anxiety.



You've got the power.



from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1C3rXWV

Sacred Sisterhood of Healers!

I don't know how many people learn about the revolutionary Dorothea Dix in school any more, but for people involved with mental health advocacy, she is a shining light and one of the great women of history. It is poignant for me that I will be spending the last three days of Women's History Month with the modern-day Dorothea Dix, Elyn Saks of the USC Gould School of Law. We will be immersed in collaboration and study at the Saks Institute for Mental Health Law, Policy and Ethics, where Elyn is changing history and shattering expectations with her life and work.



These two shining stars carry on a tradition of advocacy that unites them across the centuries. When I stop and think about this incredible legacy, it draws my attention and awareness to how many modern day female leaders have revolutionized the holistic health of women and have had a direct effect on my own life.



I get asked all the time, 'With your mental health history, what is your current treatment and diagnosis?" I have written before about my history with brain health challenges, with diagnoses given to me when I was young that are usually considered chronic. But my history has not become my reality, so I like to turn that question around and ask, "Do I have a brain that functions 'normally'? No, I say, but does anyone?'



Finding my way to that perspective owes so much to modern medicine when I was in my teens and a remarkable litany of teachers, healers, and revolutionary leaders. Their work changed my DNA, my health history, and my whole life trajectory. For Women's History Month, I want to publicly honor them for their radical work in bringing Flawless health to the world:



Debbie Rosas

The final leg of my journey in ending my challenges with anorexia came through the intensive Nia White Belt training with Debbie Rosas. I learned how to tune in to sensation in my body at a cellular level, to stop thinking "no pain no gain." I accepted that there is truly no gain if there is no self compassion, which set the foundation for my studies a few months later with the revolutionary change maker Regena Thomashauer.



Regena Thomashauer

Regena contributes to changing the paradigm of health by teaching women how to express all their emotions, shed self-hatred and doubt, and live healthy, happy lives in every area -- work, family, spirituality, physical health, and emotional wellbeing.



I have been studying with Regena for about a decade. She has taught me how to create a life-based on authentic expression of emotions and pleasure -- and to understand that there is a direct correlation between the light and the dark in our lives. The tools in her toolkit are powerful antidotes to women's lives today, which are so often a breeding ground for depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and general discontent.



Barbara Stanny

Barbara specializes in financial education for women. From her body of work, I have learned how to stand for my value, which has completely revolutionized my relationship with money. As a result of clarity about my work and finances, abundance flows to me in all areas of my life.



Christiane Northrup, M.D.

In Regena's Mastery course, we had the incredibly lucky experience to study with Dr. Northrup, a pioneer in women's health who specializes in women over 40. Her work has been very informative and healing for me during this time of intense change in my body -- after 45 where I have seen shifts in my anxiety levels, insomnia, and patterns of weight gain. I have been able to rise to these body image and health challenges with the support of Christiane's brilliant work.



Off the Mat Into the World

In this yoga leadership training, Hala Khouri, Seane Corn, and Suzanne Sterling use music, ritual, yoga, somatic therapy and thoughtful study to achieve an almost unimaginable release of trauma and grief. I cried in this training to the point where I was almost hyperventilating, but it was so healing -- soul cleansing and very important for changing patterns that no longer serve me.



I experienced extreme mental health challenges as a young adult, some of them life-threatening. Even after many hospitalizations and years of treatment, I had some surprising regression in my 30s. Now, at least every day, I stop and feel a moment of gratitude for these women and their work as I celebrate the radical transformation in my life from studying with them.



They changed my history and they are changing the world for the rest of us. This is a powerful sisterhood that I hope every women reading this will join to carry on a legacy of hope for all women everywhere as we model holistic health for our daughters, our girls... our future.



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If you're struggling with an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorder Association hotline at 1-800-931-2237.



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The Day After My Father's Funeral

My parents went through a divorce when I was 4 years old. The earliest memories I have of my father are not positive. My parents constantly fought -- the final nail in the coffin being my father cutting open my little brothers lip when he hit him.



I grew up hating my father.



He hurt my mother, brother, and several family members. He hurt me by not being a father I could look up to, and learn how to be a man from. As I became an adult, my hatred for him grew.



There was a point where that hatred decreased. I left my parents home at 17 and was homeless. I dropped out of high school and got three jobs to survive. I didn't have time to think about him.



When I got myself established, he tried to reach out. His voicemail said he just wanted to say HI. I broke the answering machine.



I met the woman who would become my wife, got my G.E.D., and we started our life together. I got steady work, our place, and we started a family. My father continued to reach out.



I ignored him.



We had our first son a year later. My father heard about him from my grandfather -- who I had an amazing relationship with. My grandfather was always there for my brother and I.



It had been years and my hatred for my father had faded. I told him he could see his grandson. From then on, I would talk to him every few months. He would come over to see his grandchildren, and he would keep apologizing. We kept this kind of relationship until April of 2012.



I can remember every second of the call. I can feel every emotion that ran through my body that call. My grandfather called to tell me my father died in his sleep. He was 54 years old.



I got off the phone and didn't know how to react; there were so many conflicting emotions. I simply hung up and went to bed. The next few days were a blur. I did all the normal life stuff, but in the back of my mind was a pinging. His funeral was a week later.



The funeral was torture. People came to express their condolences, but I was clueless as to what to do or how to react--this was my first death experience, and we weren't close.



During the funeral, I found out some things I didn't know about my father. He was a paramedic and had saved some lives. He volunteered for the Salvation Army and helped a lot of people. The biggest shock being how his mother died.



My grandmother had died before I was born, and it was a topic that wasn't discussed in our family. She died when my father was young, and her death affected him in ways that no one realized. He battled a lot of demons after her death.



I got home from his funeral and lost it -- I completely broke down. Every emotion from 32 years of life came crashing down on me. I cried for two hours and went to bed. I woke up the next day feeling the same.



I couldn't believe it. HE WAS DEAD. He was gone, and I would never get another chance to talk to him. I would never get a chance to repair our relationship to at least a functional level. That was it. Game over.



After a few days of raw emotion, I started to replay some of the last few conversations we had. The one thing he kept talking about were all the things he wished he had done in life.



He wished he was there for my brother and I. He wished he had traveled. He wished he had done this and that. He had so many regrets. He knew he would die with those regrets.



The one thing he said to me was to learn from his life. He said to live a life of no regrets. He would ask about my dreams--he told me to chase every one of them, no matter how impossible they seemed.



Little did he know how his death would impact my life. I hated my father most of my life, but in the end, he gave me a great gift. He gave me a wake-up call and reality check to the kind of life I was living.



As we approach the three-year anniversary of his death, I have taken his advice and honored his last wishes. I've lost 170 pounds, quit a job I hated to write full-time and moved our family from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to our dream destination of Maui, Hawaii. We have three beautiful children, and my wife and I will celebrate 17 years of marriage in December.



Live a life of no regret



When you deal with death, the one thing that becomes clear is the preciousness of time. Life is short and before we know it--it's gone. Time is the one thing we'll never get back.



Is it possible to live a life completely free of regret? I'm not sure, but probably not. BUT, you can accomplish all of your big goals. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want a better job or the chance to start a business? Do you want to move to your dream destination? Whatever your dreams are they ARE possible.



It's not going to be easy. It will take time -- too much time it feels like, but your dreams are possible. Don't let your dreams die with you -- like they did with my father. They are in your mind and heart for a reason. We only get one life to live. Make it count.



I miss my father. I miss my grandfather. I will continue to honor their memory, and I am their legacy. Don't wait for death before you do something about the kind of life you want to live.



Are you chasing your dreams?



Photo: Flickr/ Stephan Ridgway



from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1afThvK

3 Self-Indulgences You Need to Start Doing Now

We have been taught that to be self-indulgent is an undesirable trait, something that can lead to ruinous behavior. The Merriam-Webster defines self-indulgence as "excessive or unrestrained gratification of one's own appetites, desires, or whims." While indeed many self-indulgences can pack on the pounds or put a major dent in one's relationships or budget, there are also advantages to allowing behaviors that gently pamper and nurture you.



Sometimes it's very proactive to devote the time to making sure your needs get met, especially when these self-nurturing behaviors are healthy and uplifting. I call this raising your permission levels . Self-nurturing, or what Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of Simple Abundance, calls "the hardest thing you'll ever do" demands that we regularly give ourselves permission to take time off, to indulge in simple pleasures, and to provide what is necessary to feed our heart and soul as well as our bodies.



Permission levels can be likened to an internal barometer measuring how much bliss, well-being, success, and love we allow ourselves. In other words, a person with high permission levels is one who is generally having a positive life experience. An individual with relatively low permission levels would feel an overall sense of dissatisfaction. A good indicator of where your permission levels are in relation to self-nurturing and well-being is the degree of anxiety or guilt you experience when you are not being productive, or just spending a day in bed or other forms of indulgence.



3 Self-Nurturing Way to Raise Your Permission Levels



1. Invest in high-quality flavor enhancers for water or herb tea.



If you aren't getting enough hydration on a daily basis (and most of us are not), this can really impact your mood and energy levels, according to a study done at the University of Connecticut. What really helped me kick up my water consumption was finding flavors that made H2O more appealing. There are commercial flavorings that are loaded with potentially toxic food colorings and flavorings but here are some healthier options: You can find orange blossom and rose-water inexpensively at Indian or Middle Eastern markets; Source out some organic essential oils, like a citrus blend and add a drop or two to your non-caffeinated beverage; My personal favorite is mint-flavored liquid chlorophyll. A few drops in a glass or a squirt in my water bottle is very refreshing as well as potentially an internal deodorant and beneficial supplement according to the Linus Pauling Institute.



2. Take a long soak bath at least once a week.

Showers are quick and efficient but don't allow for one to luxuriate and contemplate unlimited possibilities. One of the precepts of Natural Wellness is to learn to balance busy-ness with being-ness and baths are a great way to schedule some "me" time. Some people find baths as revitalizing as taking a power nap. Baths can be very meditative rituals, especially if you pamper yourself with candles, and fun bath and beauty products.



Dr. Mark Hyman recommends adding one-and-a-half to one cup of Epsom salt and one-and-a-half to one cup of baking soda to your bath, you also gain the benefits of magnesium absorbed through your skin and the alkaline-balancing effects of the baking soda, both of which help with sleep.





3. Spend no less than three to 15 minutes each day practicing deep breathing + reward.

Even if you haven't been able to make meditation a daily practice, doing a few minutes of focused breathing can dramatically improve your health and emotional outlook, according to Dr. Andre Weil. Try to take periodic breaks with the intent of taking at least five deep breaths, imagining that you are inhaling positive, clearing energy and releasing any stress out through the soles of your feet. A surefire way to lock in this life-affirming behavior is to reward yourself with something comforting and nurturing like a handful of pistachios, a square or two of dark chocolate, or a small latte or herbal tea.



LindaJoy Rose, Ph.D. aka Dr. L J has over 25 years as an expert in subconscious dynamics and is a pioneer in the education and certification of hypnotherapists worldwide She currently trains coaches in Holistic Health, Life Makeover Strategies and Subconscious Dynamics through her Natural Wellness Academy specializing in an approach that encompasses Body, Mind and Spirit.



from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1GJgxOX

You Are A Good Daughter

When I first began talking to people about my journey with my mother's Alzheimer's -- which I tentatively began to do a couple of years ago -- one of the things I heard the most often was: "Your mother is very lucky to have such a good daughter."



At first, I felt like an imposter.



"I'm really not," I wanted to reply. "I'm so imperfect. I was a challenging teenager. I was so angry at my mother for so long and for so much. I've stayed living in Los Angeles instead of moving back to Massachusetts to take care of her full-time. I could have done less. I could be doing more. Sometimes I don't want to talk to her on the phone because it hurts. I've been selfish. I am selfish. I'm not a good daughter. I'm not good enough."






Rebellious teenage me




When my mother was two years into her illness, she began to cling to a couple of stories which she would repeat ad nauseam. One of them was about my sophomore year of high school when I went through a rebellious streak and began cutting class and hanging out with "crooks and thugs" in Harvard Square. She would begin talking about this brief period of my adolescence and what began as a reference or retelling would quickly escalate into more. The old rage -- which was a part of what I'd been trying to escape at 16 years old to begin with -- would come back into her eyes and her voice and no matter how I tried to change the subject, she wouldn't be deterred. She would scold me. She would become shrill and screamy and loud.



In response to her circular, repetitive reproaches, I would eventually become so frustrated that I would snap. I would lose my patience; I would turn back into that angry 16-year-old girl on the inside, filled with resentment and blame. Once, after days on end of it, I went so far as to tell her -- quite loudly, if not actually yelling -- "You have to stop! You have to stop! That was 10 years ago, you have to have to have to stop talking about this! What do you want me to do? I was 16. You have to stop!"



In that moment, I certainly didn't feel like a good daughter. I didn't feel like an imperfect daughter. I felt like a terrible person who was yelling at my mother who has Alzheimer's and couldn't help herself.



After the last essay I wrote, I received many heartfelt comments and messages from women thanking me for writing it. In turn, they shared with me their own painful and bittersweet experiences with a loved one who suffered or is suffering from Alzheimer's disease or another terminal illness. Each and every kind and empathetic word and story was a beautiful spot of blossoming pain and love on my heart. But the ones that stood out to me the most were the ones in which the writers confessed to me that they, too, had had very difficult relationships with their mothers before they became ill. Many of these messages had a sense of being whispered, a sense of relief in the confession, an echo of guilt. Message after message of women telling me, "It was the same with my mother. Thank you for writing about it. That was the part of your essay that meant the most to me."



I realized that we are all afraid that we are bad daughters. That even if it is our mothers who have Alzheimer's and not us, a part of our minds are also stuck on the past and we are wracked with guilt in the present. That we are filled with shame for the selves we used to be and those selves inside of us that still are. And that goes for all women, I think, who have had a rocky past with their mothers. Even if their mothers don't have Alzheimer's. Even if their mothers aren't sick at all. Even if their mothers hurt them and have continued to hurt them so badly that they've had to cut ties.



But to all of these women, to all of you, there is something that you need to hear. Something that you need to hear so hard that it becomes a physical force, a stamp, that you feel imprinted on your heart.



You are a good daughter.



If you have loved your mother enough to feel the pain of her hurting you, and the pain of you hurting her, you are a good daughter. If you have tried to forgive her, even if you haven't been able to so far, you are a good daughter. If you have ever striven to do the very best that you can, even under challenging circumstances, you are a good daughter.



And it's OK.



It's OK if your relationship was challenging. It's OK if your relationship was awful. It's OK if you said things or did things that you aren't proud of, of which you are ashamed, that you wish you could take back. It's OK.



Guilt is among the most visceral of human emotions and too often, because of its very nature, we push it down until it becomes a near-permanent part of us. It becomes something that rattles around in the background at all times and then, every so often, flares up painfully like a chronic illness that our immune systems mostly suppress but can't quite shake. I believe that it takes so much soothing, deep breathing and self-forgiving, again and again and again, to heal your guilt. And especially if you are grieving. Because guilt is so painful and cuts so deeply that it is well known to be an integral part of grief.



So I will say it again. Because I want you to know it so much that you feel it in your bones and your heart and your teeth and your skin and every part of you that hurts.



You are a good daughter.



You are a good daughter. And it's OK.









Rebecca Emily Darling is a writer, artist, vintage seller, and sometimes actress living in Los Angeles. You can follow her on twitter, facebook, and instagram, and you can take a peek at her vintage treasures here.



Photo by Jessie Askinazi.




from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1EZyELN

How to Cope With a Bad Job (Without Losing Your Mind)

Most of us have probably created a "My Job Sucks, Make It Feel Better!" playlist at one point or another. There are many subtle and varied options for the discerning disaffected peon - 'Sixteen Tons' for the under-appreciated and prospect-less; 'Take This Job and Shove It' for the more assertive malcontents; and for the pacifists among us, maybe just a plaintive, '(Lord I) Feel Like Going Home'.



Everyone has moments of frustration, however much they may love their job - statistics indicate that the average length of a work-related moment of frustration is about forty years, so one option is to just hang in there and wait for retirement (disclaimer: this statistic may be a lie). Quitting a job, especially a secure and well-paid one, is a nuclear option which may not be available to everyone - for example, those whose wallet-based photographs of famous Americans have been replaced with photos of their kids. What can you do when you've loaded sixteen tons and you feel like going home, but there's no opportunity to tell your boss, "Take this job and shove it!"?



Both psychology research as well as field research based on crowd-sourced psychometric data collected by such companies as Good.Co and Cangrade support two ideas, both of which are suspiciously simple on the face of it. One is that people are happier in jobs where the culture, people, and everyday working experience matches their own preferences and values. The other is that some people are by nature better equipped to handle problems relating to poor cultural fit, which is the biggest single factor contributing to job dissatisfaction.



How to cope with a bad job



There are numerous ways to handle poor cultural fit without requesting your boss to insert your job vigorously into his or herself. One technique is to tolerate the unpleasantness until you retire or - more likely given that poor cultural fit is associated with increased stress and health risks - expire, gibbering, in a dusty corner of the office (disclaimer: this is not a recommended approach). Alternatively, depending on your particular set of characteristics (i.e. strengths and weaknesses), there are two less soul-destroying options, both of which require a bit of flexibility and innovative thinking.



The key to surviving a bad job is knowing this: if your workplace makes you unhappy, you have two options: the option to try to change it, the option to change yourself, or a little of both. Another way of looking at it is to accept the things you can't change, and change those you can.



Change what you can



If you can approach the powers that be with suggestions for changes to the working environment which benefit the whole company (as well as you!), they might just listen. Thankfully, it's no longer 1952 and many companies have finally come to embrace the importance of individual differences, recognizing that organizational culture is dynamic, fluid, and reciprocal - an evolving entity which responds to influences from the top down and from the bottom up. The key here is to know what works for you, and what level of compromise you're willing to accept - it's impossible to ask someone to fulfil your needs when you don't know what they are.



That being said, not all organizations or particular jobs have a level of flexibility which permits this kind of change, and it would be irrational to suggest that everyone can simply go into work and tell their boss how things are going to be. There are some lucky people who can get away with this by virtue of their own character or their boss's, but for most of us, this will result a scenario that goes from you saying 'take this job and shove it', to your boss saying 'I'm taking your job and shoving you out of the window'.



Actively accept the things you can't change



That said, nobody is really powerless in their organization, no matter how low down the pecking order they might be; your own attitude and perspective is always something you can control. Like the song says: they can't take that away from you. If your workplace is unfixably horrible, the fastest way to improve your situation is to accept it - not passively, but actively.



Consider ways to tolerate your situation better: improvements you can make within whatever limitations are imposed on you to make your everyday experience of work more enjoyable, no matter how small. Have something nice for lunch, take a walk in a park, put a comforting photo on your desk, make funny or motivational desktop backgrounds for your computer during breaks, or even print and hang a few motivational images, like this Career Happiness Manifesto.



The key here is to remember that work pays you; it doesn't own you. What matters most - in the workplace and everywhere - is not the place but your attitude towards it, and that is always within your own power.



"They call it work for a reason..."



Why does this all matter so much? Surely if you hate your job it's no big deal; don't most people collect their paycheck while dreaming of retirement? After all, your Aunt Mildred never fails to remind you that, "they call it work for a reason" - so aren't we supposed to be miserable at work? Well...no, unless you're a masochist, obviously.



The idea that suffering is somehow a good thing was invented to make people feel less bad about suffering being an inescapable part of life, but that doesn't mean we have to go looking for it. A job isn't just a job; it's a part of our self-identity, and when people are in jobs they hate, this impacts how they feel about themselves generally. Self-awareness and the capacity to take personal responsibility for our actions are crucial to fulfillment. As Viktor Frankl, psychotherapist and Holocaust survivor, wrote in 1946, "Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked."



What's your answer going to be?



from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1EZyELI

Gratitude for the Gifts of Life's Challenges

When I was 10-years-old, my baby brother was born. This blessed event threw me into a state of emotional turmoil. Feelings of love and hate raced through my mind like a brazen cat chasing a nervy, intruding mouse.

I adored this exquisite little brother and longed to hold and care for him. Simultaneously, I resented his arrival -- now I had to share my mother's overstretched attention with him and three other siblings.

To confess to feelings of "hatred" was out of the question. In a quandary about what to do, I resolved to keep a diary on a small pad of paper hidden between blue plastic covers. In silent, secret letters, I could express taboo feelings and thoughts, raw emotions, feelings of love, pride and resentment, as well as record my brother's milestones: the first day he sampled a banana, the morning he sat up by himself, the day he mastered his first steps.

The private confessor was magical in its ability to relieve distress, any time of the day or night. Giving form to these thoughts seemed to validate them and at the same time allow them to be tossed aside.

When I was 12-years-old, my parents separated. Once again, the writing tool seemed like a life jacket to buoy me over a raging tsunami. I could acknowledge my thoughts without having to share my feelings and possibly exacerbate my parents' tense situation.

I didn't understand how jotting down thoughts converted into relief and a sense of power and control until years later I discovered the work of the great philosopher and psychologist William James. James viewed the mind/self as divided into two parts: 1. the aspect (of mind) that participates and registers the experience in the moment and 2. The (aspect of) mind that reflects on the experience after it has occurred. In essence the writing tool was an expression, an expansion of the observer.

James' clarification of the mind split into experiencer and observer imputed an ability of power to control and the possibility of change. If a person revisited an event he might be able to see the role he played in it. Going a step further, she might perceive her potential to alter her behavior and affect a different outcome.

In the early days of civilization, we humans believed we were at the mercy of the gods -- they determined our fate. We couldn't conceptualize that we could control our destiny, at least to a certain extent. But the course of human development has shown us that we possess the power to change. The reflecting/observing part of our brain imbues us with this potential.

Along the lines of James, David Brooks, the New York Times journalist, wrote a column about a "sense of agency" that applies to people who recognize the control they exert in their lives. These people hold the reins and steer their life course. (I realized that the writing tool places a person in the driver's seat of her life, granting the ability to take charge.) By contrast a person who lacks "agency" feels jostled about, acted upon by outside forces, similar to how we experienced life in the days of early civilization.

Another turning point came when I was 20-years-old. I had just finished the first year of med school in Puerto Rico and had been living with my father and his family when, without warning, he announced that I'd have to move out. What seemed disastrous at first proved a great blessing.

At first, I thought about returning home to New York City, but I realized I'd be abandoning my goal to become a physician. I needed to reframe my approach to think more like a ballplayer and to keep an eye on the game in order to score. My goal was to become a doctor; my intention wasn't to live with my father.

I was most fortunate to find human angels in my path. In searching for a place to live, I knocked on the door of the YWCA on Ponce de Leon Avenue in Old San Juan. A kindly woman opened the warped, wooden door of the Y, a rambling unpainted structure that looked as if it might be blown away by the next big hurricane. I shall never forget Mrs. Rodriquez, a short, middle-aged woman with wavy, salt-and-pepper hair, a pixie face and twinkling brown eyes. When I explained my situation, she immediately recognized that I needed a quiet place to study and assigned me the only single room available. (Mercifully, the Y remained standing for several years for which we residents were infinitely grateful.)

Once out of my father's house, I was both frightened and thrilled to have freedom to come and go, no longer having to rely on Dad for transportation. Because of my pierced ears, brightly colored clothing and ability to enunciate Spanish phrases, I passed as Puerto Rican. I basked in my newly- acquired identity. Gaining facility with the Spanish language helped me communicate with Spanish-speaking patients once I returned to the States.

Another miracle occurred when I met an American physician who was vacationing with his family in Old San Juan; he wrote me a letter recommending me to a medical school in Philadelphia where I could move to be closer to my mother and siblings.

In summary I'm grateful for what I've discovered in the face of some challenging circumstances.

1. 
   


2. The writing tool and the ability to observe myself.
   


3. To think like a ball player, to keep an eye on the goal to overcome obstacles.
   


4. The discovery of human angels who appear at unpredictable moments and add blessings, pleasure and excitement to the journey.

This blog post is part of a series for HuffPost Gratitude, entitled 'The One Thing I'm Most Thankful For.' To see all the other posts in the series, click here To contribute, submit your 500 - 800 word blogpost to gratitude@huffingtonpost.com.



from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1I1gCPv

4 Simple Steps to Supercharge Your Runs and Your Brain With Mindfulness

Photo Credit: Kennan Harvey, www.kennanharvey.com




It seems mindfulness is all over the news these days, whether here on HuffPost, on 60 Minutes, or on the cover of your favorite magazine. It's an ancient technique with modern adaptations, backed by science, to help you de-stress and rewire the mind, literally changing the brain, for greater success and happiness, and there's almost no end to the benefits of being more present and aware.



Like the old expression to kill two birds with one stone (sorry birds), adding mindfulness to exercise helps you boost both your mental and physical fitness at the same time. And exercising mindfully helps you get in the zone, making exercise easier, more enjoyable and energizing. Instead of feeling exhausted after a workout, you finish feeling exhilarated, revitalized, and ready to go. Mindful running recharges body, mind and soul. At MindfulRunning.org we have a whole program on it.



Running mindfully is also in many ways like yoga. It helps you gain awareness of your body while reducing stress and shutting off the mental chatter. At the same time there's the added cardiovascular, weight loss, and strength-gaining benefits of forward motion. And if you're outdoors, you also get the mental massage and brain-boosting benefits of changing scenery. Running or walking outdoors, particularly through a park, forest, or along the water's edge, can calm, quiet, and recharge the mind, helping you think and move at your best again.



Here are four simple steps to incorporate mindfulness into your workouts whether you are indoors or out.



Step 1: Focus on your breath.



This is the simplest way to quiet the mind and give it some much-needed rest.



It's also the No. 1 thing you can do to access that elusive zone or where runners experience the runner's high feeling. While it's typically associated with running outdoors, you can get it on a treadmill too. And it has other massive benefits for your body as well, particularly if you practice deep, diaphragmatic, nasal breathing -- a fancy way of saying, Breathe slowly and deeply through your nose down to your belly.



Breathing deeply and slowly through the nose triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, known as the "rest and relax" response. This keeps stress hormones at bay, reduces inflammation, relaxes muscles, increases available oxygen and gives you greater endurance. It can also help lower your heart rate and blood pressure, both during and after workouts.







Conversely, breathing fast through the mouth (aka gasping for air) triggers the sympathetic nervous system, known as the fight-or-flight response. Ironically, this can reduce available oxygen, constrict blood vessels, tighten muscles, raise your heart rate and blood pressure, and raise your dreaded cortisol or stress hormones levels, thereby increasing inflammation.



Step 2:

Focus on your form.



This helps rewire and strengthen the mind to keep you in the present moment.



Pay particular attention to your leg speed, lightness and symmetry. Ask yourself:



1. Am I taking short, quick, quiet strides? Listen or watch in a mirror to see. The shorter and faster you step, the less bouncing and impact.



2. Are my arms and legs moving forward, or swinging in or out? The more they're pointed and moving forward, the less stress and strain on your joints, back and neck.



3. Am I moving symmetrically? Watch for one arm lower than the other, one leg's that's turned out (neither should be), landing differently with each leg, or carrying something in only one hand. If you spot this, then you're running inefficiently and potentially creating future injuries. Work to run balanced, smooth and even.







Step 3:

Work to bring your breath and movement into sync.



This dramatically calms the body and is a great way to get you in the zone.



When you're focused on these two things in tandem, there's little room left for extraneous thoughts. Start by counting your footsteps, then timing them with your breath. For example, you might take three steps for every inhale and three for every exhale. Where you start isn't important, but work to take more steps per breath, which gradually relaxes the mind and body. Can you take four steps for each inhale and each exhale, or even five? Extending the breath makes you more efficient at using air. This lowers your heart rate and helps quiet your mind. While it takes time to adapt, it dramatically improves fitness. By springtime, you'll find yourself running faster while breathing lighter!







Step 4:

Focus on dropping your thoughts.



This gives us many of the great benefits of meditation, particularly for the mind.


In general, it's only brief snippets in life where our minds aren't racing and we're truly present in the moment. But by dropping our thoughts as we run, we gain access to many of meditation's great benefits. Imagine greater patience, compassion, creativity, focus, and clearer thinking, all coming from your runs! You'll begin to experience this, plus more relaxed running, reduced tension, and a better ability to see obstacles on your path before you step on them. And ironically, after dropping your thoughts, often your most earth-shattering, million-dollar making, dramatically-improve-your-life ideas come to you just after you've finished your run -- so keep a notebook handy!



If you've studiously gone through steps 1, 2 and 3, then by now, there shouldn't be too many thoughts to drop. If a thought does sneak up, practice catching it, letting it go, then going back to your breath. Think of a thought as an unwanted ball lobbed your way. Don't worry about the ball, dwell on it, or hold onto it. Just catch, release, and breathe.



And don't worry about how many thoughts come up. Simply use each thought to strengthen your mental muscles. So make it a game. Work to see how long you can go between lobs. In the beginning perhaps it's only a few steps between thoughts, but with practice, it may become a minute, a mile or more! This relaxes mind, body and soul, giving you more patience, calmness and clarity of mind for everything in your day.







When this clicks, running and exercise become doubly precious. Because now you're literally entering the meditation zone, getting all the great benefits of quieting your mind as you run, walk or workout. This means a healthier you from the inside out, and a more resilient you, one that's capable of handling more stress or challenges ahead, and one that helps you be less judgmental of anything that comes your way. In essence, you're putting fuel back in your tank and having it on reserve for when you need it.



Meditating while you move also gives you greater satisfaction and joy from your workouts. This boosts your motivation, making it easier to run and fit your exercise in. And just think of how great you'll feel as you fly along in the zone, with smoother form, greater fitness, and a stronger, healthier, happier mind. Then when you're back at home or at work, you'll feel more refreshed, clearer of mind, and more productive too!



So give it a try today and check out mindfulrunning.org for more mindful running tips and videos.



Be mindful, have fun, and run free!



Best-selling author Michael Sandler has been a professional athlete and coach for over 25 years, most recently developing and spearheading the Mindful Running Movement through MindfulRunning.org and RunBare.com. Having survived and thrived after two near-death accidents left him with twin titanium hips and femurs, he has a contagious positive can-do attitude and is passionate about helping others discover their true-nature, tap into their inner wisdom, heal, and run like they've never run before! Together with his wife Jessica Lee, they've created the Mindful Running Training Program, and travel the world coaching, teaching, and cultivating mindfulness. Follow them on Facebook, Twitter, and Google Plus.



from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/19FHfdS

Hope For Some of the World's Most Vulnerable Children

When I visited the Sivile Primary School in South Africa's Western Cape, I was struck by a feeling. It was a feeling of the vulnerability of the children all around me, who are put at huge risk every single day. It is a threat and a risk they face for what should be a simple journey. Yet, they are placed in harm's way just for trying to get to their school to gain an education.

Right in front of their houses in the very poor neighbourhood of Khayelitsha, sits a high speed road -- the Jeff Masemola Highway. It's a road that brings trucks and cars at 90 km/h right through the settlement, the traffic rattling the corrugated iron roofs of the shacks where the children live. And it is a road that brings fear and misery every day to the schoolchildren of Sivile Primary.

I visited the Sivile Primary last year for the launch of the Safe Schools project, which I am privileged to be involved in as part of my work campaigning for the UN Decade of Action for Road Safety. The project is the first of its kind in South Africa, but is in line with similar initiatives supported by the Road Safety Fund globally, including in Tanzania, Mexico and Costa Rica.

When you stand at the Jeff Masemola Highway outside the school, you appreciate the difficulty the children of Khayelitsha face as they try to get to school early each day. Hundreds of children stand by the road every morning -- running and then stopping to avoid trucks and cars that clatter by, inches from their faces. In fact, more than one in five children reported that they had been involved in a road crash in some way -- a shockingly high number.

The Safe Schools project, which is being supported by Janssen and the FIA Foundation, is coordinated by ChildSafe South Africa, which is a member of Safe Kids Worldwide. It has researched the problem and has found solutions, including safe infrastructure, education, collaboration and sustainability. Now that these solutions are being implemented, the students at Sivile have a better chance of getting to school safely.

I helped launch the project in May 2014 with the FIA Foundation's Road Safety Fund and our partners. For Janssen, the principal donor, the project continues its support for the Decade of Action for Road Safety. I was honored to speak about the initiative during my presentation at the Safe Roads | Safe Kids Global Road Safety Summit, when leaders from 30 countries met in Washington, D.C. at the end of last year to collaborate on helping our most vulnerable road users. What struck me then was the momentum that is building around the world to support our children. The Summit was an opportunity to learn from others. And at the same time, it was encouraging to hear that much can be learned from our communities in South Africa.

When I attended the launch at Sivile, I could sense the vulnerability of the students, but I could also feel a tremendous sense of hope for children in South Africa and around the world. Road traffic injury is a man-made epidemic and a serious burden on children and young people globally, but it is preventable. The vaccines for this epidemic are readily available: safe crossings, protected footpaths and speed restrictions, together with well-designed education programs. No child should be denied protection on our roads. With a clear voice we must call for global support to ensure that road safety becomes a development priority.

This is the message of "Save Kids Lives," the global campaign for children's road safety, which I've been privileged to help launch. It calls on policymakers to take strong action to improve road safety for children everywhere. The campaign has been gathering thousands of supporters since it was launched, and our goal is to capture 100,000 signatures for the Child Declaration by Global Road Safety Week, from May 4 to May 10, 2015. To help, visit http://ift.tt/1wPay1W.

With projects like the Safe Schools initiative and the Save Kids Lives campaign, we are walking the walk, demonstrating how much can be achieved if we work together. We know that lives can be saved. Let's collaborate and combat this leading killer of our children -- the most vulnerable in our society, but who we value more than anything else. Together we can -- and we must -- Save Kids Lives.

Editor's Note: Johnson & Johnson is a sponsor of The Huffington Post's Global Motherhood section.



from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1MuqZ1q

My Q and A With Insomnia Expert Gregg Jacobs

Gregg Jacobs is an insomnia specialist at the Sleep Disorders Center at the UMass Memorial Medical Center and the author of Say Good Night to Insomnia. In answer to my questions, he shared his insights on how human sleep patterns have changed over time, healthier and more effective alternatives to sleeping pills, and how to reverse our worst sleep habits and behaviors.



Describe your research on insomnia.



I have a longstanding interest in the relationship between the mind and health. My doctoral research, which assessed the ability of the mind to control physiology, showed that it was possible to use deep relaxation techniques to voluntarily produce brain wave patterns that were identical to the initial stages of sleep. My postdoctoral research at Harvard Medical School included research on the meditative practices of Tibetan monks. This research, conducted in a Tibetan monastery in Sikkim under the auspices of the Dalai Lama, revealed that advanced Tibetan monks possess remarkable control over their brain waves and physiology. This led to my efforts to develop a safe, drug-free intervention for insomnia, called cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I), over the past 30 years at the Harvard and University of Massachusetts medical schools. This research culminated in a landmark study, funded by the National Institutes of Health, showing that CBT-I is more effective than Ambien. Because few people have access to CBT-I, my more recent efforts have focused on making CBT-I widely available in an inexpensive, practical format through my website, cbtforinsomnia.com. Numerous studies have recently demonstrated that internet-based CBT-I can be delivered as effectively as face-to-face CBT-I and is more practical and cost-effective.



You've discussed the history of segmented sleep. Do you believe we have evolved past this pattern, or are our bodies struggling against us when we try to sleep in one chunk of time? How does insomnia relate to this?



Research suggests that we may have displayed a polyphasic (i.e., multiple periods) sleep pattern for virtually all of our evolution until the recent advent of nighttime lighting. Prior to that, humans likely went to sleep soon after dusk and awakened at dawn in longer sleep periods that consisted of alternating bouts of sleep and wakefulness. This non-continuous sleep pattern is characteristic of virtually all mammals and is also the pattern we experience early and late in life. It is only in adult life, and the last 350 years of human history, that a more consolidated nocturnal sleep pattern is apparent. However, many adults still experience polyphasic sleep in the form of insomnia, and regular intervals of waking are still experienced in normal sleepers today, as evidenced by six to 12 brief awakenings per night (which most of us don't recall, for they are too short). Evidently, this polyphasic sleep pattern lies dormant in our physiology, met an evolutionary need, and therefore may be adaptive rather than a sleep disorder.



In segmented sleep, how was waking time between the two sleeps spent?



In prehistoric times, it may have been spent tending to the fire, being vigilant for predators, in deep relaxation, for creativity and problem solving, and a channel of communication between dreams and waking life. Historical accounts suggest it was used for sexual activity and socializing, reading and writing, praying, meditating on dreams, or tending to the fire in the cold months.



Tell me about cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT. How does this treatment for insomnia compare with other methods like sleeping pills? What successes have you seen among your patients, and how can others incorporate the strategies into their sleep habits?



CBT-I is the most effective psychology-based treatment for a health problem and has consistently been proven to be the most effective first-line treatment for chronic insomnia. It improves sleep in 75 to 80 percent of insomnia patients and reduces or eliminates sleeping pill use in 90 percent of patients. It is so effective that I am surprised if my patients do not report improvement in sleep, or a reduction or elimination of sleeping pills, from CBT-I. And in three studies published in major medical journals that directly compared CBT with sleeping pills, including my study at Harvard Medical School, CBT-I was more effective than sleeping pills. CBT-I also has no side effects and maintains improvements in sleep long-term, and new research shows that CBT-I doubles the improvement rates of depression compared with antidepressant medication alone in depressed patients with insomnia.



In contrast to CBT-I, sleeping pills do not greatly improve sleep. Objectively, newer-generation sleeping pills such as Ambien are no more effective than a placebo. Subjectively, they only increase total sleep time, and reduce the time it takes to fall asleep, by about 10 minutes. Furthermore, these small to moderate short-term improvements in sleep are often outweighed by significant side effects and risks, particularly in older adults. These include impairment of alertness, driving, and learning and memory (including sleep-dependent memory consolidation); increased mortality risk, as shown in almost two dozen scientific studies; and dependence, addiction, and activation of the same neurobiological pathways involved in drugs of abuse.



CBT-I is based on the idea that some individuals react to short-term insomnia (usually caused by stress) by worrying about sleep loss. After a few weeks of lying awake at night, frustrated and anxious about insomnia, they start to anticipate not sleeping and become apprehensive about going to bed. They soon learn to associate the bed with sleeplessness and frustration; consequently, the bed quickly becomes a learned cue for wakefulness and insomnia. As a result, they begin to engage in these types of maladaptive sleep habits, thoughts and behaviors that exacerbate insomnia that must be changed with CBT-I (sleeping pills are marginally effective because they do not change these behaviors):

• Negative, distorted thoughts and beliefs about insomnia such as "I must get eight hours of sleep" or "I did not sleep a wink last night."


• 
  
  
  


• Going to bed too early or sleeping too late and spending excessive time in bed.


• 
  
  
  


• Irregular arising times.


• 
  
  
  


• Trying to control sleep rather than letting it happen.


• 
  
  
  


• Lying awake in bed, frustrated and tense.


• 
  
  
  


• Using the bed and bedroom for activities other than sleep.


• 
  
  
  


• Use of electronic devices before bedtime.

from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1bNrcw9

7 Easy Ways to Boost Your Metabolism

By K. Aleisha Fetters, DETAILS

(photo: Eric Ray Davidson)




While marathon sweat sessions can certainly kick your metabolism into high gear, there's a faster, better way to rev up your fat-burning potential. Below are seven seriously simple moves that will slash through more calories than minutes.



"Your metabolism is the sum of everything your body does to convert food into energy," says Jim White, R.D., an American College of Sports Medicine-certified health-fitness instructor and the owner of Jim White Fitness & Nutrition Studios in Virginia. "So while you can't change how many calories it takes to keep your brain humming and your heart beating, you can help your body burn an extra 500 calories or more each day by implementing some easy lifestyle strategies."



1. Turn Down the Temperature



Your body loves to sit pretty at 98.6 degrees, so if you throw off your internal temperature, your body will burn more calories to raise it back to where it belongs, White says. In fact, researchers from Humboldt University found that drinking two liters of ice-cold water can up your metabolic burn by about 95 calories per day, while in a new study by the National Institute of Health Clinical Center, people who slept in a 66-degree room burned more than 7 percent more calories than those who snoozed at 75 degrees.



2. Pack More (Lean) Protein



A meal's not a meal unless it contains lean protein, says White. Why? Protein contains the amino acids your body needs to produce metabolism-revving, calorie-burning muscle. "Every pound of muscle gained increases your metabolism by 20 to 30 percent," he adds. Each day, aim to eat one gram of lean protein (from sources like chicken, fish, grass-fed beef, or eggs) for every pound of body weight. Vegetarian or vegan? Swap meat out for nuts, seeds, dark greens (kale packs a protein-rich punch), and, if you eat them, eggs and Greek yogurt.



3. Drink (Quality) Green Tea



Found in green tea, epigallocatechin-3-gallate (EGCG for short) gets a lot of attention for its disease-fighting properties. But it turns out this little antioxidant can make a big difference when it comes to numbers on a scale. Research in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition shows that the compound can up your metabolic rate for a full 24 hours by increasing your energy production from digestion of fats. While a few cups a day should be enough to move the needle over time, that's only if you opt for high-quality brews. Cheap-o brands often don't contain enough of the fat-burning ingredient to increase metabolism, says weight-loss specialist and board-certified internist Sue Decotiis, M.D. Try Teavana Gyokuro Imperial Green Tea. Brewed from loose green-tea leaves, it packs 86 milligrams of EGCG per serving, the most of any teas studied in a recent Consumer Lab study.



See more: 5 Weird Signs You're Vitamin-Deficient



4. Add Weight for Less Workout Time



More muscle = less fat. But who wants to spend hours sweating it out with strength sets when you can opt for quick, high-intensity resistance training? Brief workouts using heavy weights can increase your metabolism by 452 calories for the following 24 hours, according to recent research in the Journal of Translational Medicine . That's 354 calories more than the increase experienced after traditional low-intensity strength training (and it takes just four sets of 8 to 10 reps).



Here's how it works: The harder your muscles work, the more post-workout rebuilding they have to do, which burns calories and elevates metabolism-revving hormones, according to researchers. The best part? In the study, the high-intensity resistance trainers completed only three exercises. Talk about time-saving.



5. Spice Up the Menu



Capsaicin, which gives peppers and spices their heat, can also fire up your fat burners. Eating spicy foods regularly can increase your body's production of heat as well as the activity of your sympathetic nervous system (responsible for both the fight-or-flight response and spice-induced sweating) by about 50 calories a day, which translates to a full five pounds of fat lost in a single year, Decotiis says. While cayenne, chili peppers, and jalapeños are great, the hotter the pepper, the better. The ridiculously spicy Korean pepper gochu (which just happens to be slang for "penis") is believed to have the highest calorie burn out there and is typically sold as a paste, called gochujang.



6. Sleep More



Not getting enough sleep affects more than just your energy the next day; it throws off your levels of leptin and ghrelin, the hormones that help regulate energy use and appetite. Research from Stanford University and the University of Wisconsin shows that regularly clocking just five hours of sleep reduces levels of leptin by 15.5 percent and increases levels of ghrelin by 14.9 percent. When it comes to a healthy metabolism, shoot for nine hours a night, suggests research from the University of Washington Medicine Sleep Center.



7. Eat Organic



As you already know, processed foods and nonorganic fruits and vegetables contain chemicals that can interfere with your body's basic metabolic pathways, says Decotiis. Glyphosate (a common herbicide), bisphenol (a plastic-hardening chemical used in canned-food linings and other food containers), and meats and poultry from hormone-fed livestock have been singled out for leading to obesity. Whenever possible, skip the packaged goods for fresh ones. Always choose organic versions of apples, bell peppers, celery, strawberries, cherries, lettuce, and pears over their nonorganic counterparts, which tend to have the highest levels of metabolism-stalling pesticides out there.



More from DETAILS:



The Only 5 Exercises You'll Ever Need



Shirtless Nick Jonas Explains How He Got His New Body



How To Get Rock Hard Abs Faster



Brad Pitt Is Back and Sexier Than Ever



The Hottest Vanity Muscles--And How To Get Them




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The Five-Minute Rule

From time-to-time, people who learn about the inside-out nature of the human experience begin to feel guilty if they partake in any sort of outside-in action designed to improve the quality of their lives. As one of my own mentors said to me, "taking action to improve your plight is like carrying Dumbo's feather -- it's just a way of tricking yourself into allowing what would happen naturally of it's own accord."



Where I am at the moment with the seeming paradox of taking outside-in actions to make changes in an inside-out world is as follows...



In my household, we are long-term practitioners of the "five-second rule", that well-known urban myth which states that in defiance of all known laws of biology, food which is picked up and placed in ones mouth within five seconds of dropping it on the floor is still germ-free and safe to eat. We kind of all know it's not true, and we do it anyways. I think it's because we were all so well brought up that it makes us feel rebellious to do something "wrong" and "dangerous", no matter how small. (Also, Nina's a really good cook...)



When it comes to my life, I follow something I call the "five-minute rule". Despite the fact that I know my experience is created 100% from the inside-out, and biologically speaking I can only ever feel my thinking and not the events of the outside world directly, if I can make myself feel better by taking five minutes or less of action, I'll usually take it.



For example, let's say I've been stressed out about whether or not there's enough money in my checking account for an impending purchase. I know that my feeling of stress is a direct reaction to my thinking and not to the actual balance of my account. After all, there are 23+ hours of the day where my bank balance is exactly the same and I'm not feeling stressed about it.



And I know that the longer and harder I think about it, the more of a big deal it will seem to me, AND I know that if I just let the worry thoughts pass, I'll invariably get new thoughts and those thoughts will bring new feelings.



So why don't I just carry on with my life and let the worry-full thinking pass?



Because I also know that if I take the five minutes to go online and check my account, I'll feel better. Not because my bank balance will necessarily be where I want it to be, but because I'll stop thinking about it and feeling all the feelings which come with those thoughts.



In five minutes, I can make an appointment with a doctor to check on a mysterious pain or lump I've been worrying about. I can respond to an email I've been avoiding, reach out to an old friend I've been ignoring, or make amends for something I've been feeling guilty about.



I can also take a self-directed action - do some deep breathing, say some affirmations, drop into self-hypnosis, or drop down and do some push ups.



I know that it isn't really my action that's changed my feeling, but I'm happy to take that action anyways. After all, it only takes five minutes, and the fact that it was just a "Dumbo's feather" doesn't mean I'm not flying at the end of it.



For all those things that five minutes of action won't fix, it's equally great to know that I don't need the world to change in order for me to feel better. I am living in the feeling of my present-moment thinking, and I love the fact that I can't accurately predict what I'll be thinking five minutes from now, let alone five days, five months, or five years.



Since I'm only ever and always feeling my own thinking, that means I'm as likely to be feeling good as bad, happy as sad, grateful as maligned, and inspired as distraught. I don't need to control my feelings to enjoy my life any more than I need to control the weather to enjoy my day.



I am not a victim of the weather not because I can control it or avoid it, but because I can always work with it and through it. And I need not be a victim of my feelings not because I can control or avoid them, but because I can always work with them and through them.



When I'm not scared of my feelings, (because I don't need to change them, avoid them, or act on them), I'm free to feel them fully. Unresisted sadness can be delicious; unbridled anger is like being one with a gale force wind.



But from time to time, I forget all that and I once again become frightened by own internal weather. My experience of the world looks all too real, and phrases like "it's just my own thinking and it will pass" seem cruel instead of comforting.



It's in those moments that I willingly and willfully ignore the truth of the inside out nature of the human experience and take five minutes to make a change.



With all my love,





For more by Michael Neill, click here.



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5 Simple Ways to Express Gratitude and Other Lessons I Learned From My Mom

Throughout our lives, we all need something and someone to believe in. We also need someone who believes in us. That was the role my mother played in my life.

I was once told that when you lose your parents you lose your fan club, and this is exactly the way I felt when my mom passed away six years ago. I can no longer pick up the phone and hear Mom's enthusiastic, "Good morning, Sunshine!" Nor can I call her for advice or tell her about my latest speaking engagement or TV appearance.

No one will ever care about my success quite the way my mother did. And with each passing day I see myself becoming more like her as I try to keep her legacy alive through my words and actions.

Whenever I do something nice for someone else, I think of all the kind deeds my mother did for others -- making soup for a sick neighbor, cutting and styling a friend's hair and making tray favors for hospital patients.

She loved practicing random acts of kindness long before that phrase was coined, and every day she looked for and welcomed opportunities to pass her generous gestures to others. My mother was grace in action.

In light of what my mother taught me, here are five simple ways to show gratitude every day.

Write in an abundance journal. Purchase a small notebook and keep it in your briefcase, purse or bedside table. Take a few minutes at the end of each day to jot down one or two positive experiences, or, alternatively, write down what you're grateful for at the end of each week.

Include small acts of kindness: a stranger who paid for your coffee, someone who held the door for you, a phone call or note of appreciation from a friend, client or colleague.

If you don't write down these small moments of happiness, they will be easily forgotten. When you keep a journal, you can look back and remember how much you have to be thankful for during the times when life doesn't seem to be going your way.

Express your gratitude in person. When a friend, colleague or client goes above and beyond, be sure to verbalize your appreciation. Go to their office or treat them to lunch or a quick cup of coffee.

When you make time for those who are important to your business, the lasting impression can be endlessly rewarding.

Show respect for those around you. Treat others with the same level of courtesy you expect to receive: smile, show kindness, exhibit patience and listen. For instance, the next time you make a coffee run in the morning, offer to bring back coffee for someone else in the office, too. Wash your coffee mug in the office kitchen rather than letting your dirty dish sit in the sink. If you see someone running toward the elevator, hold the door.

You know how nice it feels when someone takes a few moments to show kindness. Be that person to someone else.

Don't complain. When something terrible happens, it's natural to want to complain about it. You may become impatient with someone in line who takes too long to pay or moan to an employee about a difficult client. You may even complain to yourself when a driver cuts you off in traffic.

Every time you complain, you reinforce a negative state of mind without offering a solution to the problem at hand. Instead, next time you feel frustrated, take a few breaths and try focusing on something positive.

Volunteer in your community. There's a well-known secret among long-time volunteers: an act of kindness does more good for you than those you're serving.

Once a month, I take my therapy dog, Cooper, to the local library where the children read stories to him. After all, dogs are non-judgmental and they make great listeners.

If you're short on time, choose a volunteer opportunity that requires only an hour or two each month. Volunteering gives you something positive to focus on and is a great way to give back to the community at large.

For more gratitude tips, visit Jacqueline Whitmore's blog, http://ift.tt/14J3f59, or "like" her Facebook page.

from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1CIalow

What's Up With All the Honking?

Recently I found myself in a new city. I won't mention it by name, but if you're curious I will say that it starts with an "F" and rhymes with "Mort Mauderdale."



Hubbie and I decided to spend our one day there checking out the sites. Our specific mission was to find a new pair of pajama pants (resulting from an unfortunate "I-can't-believe-you-forgot-to-check-that-drawer-before-we-checked-out" moment upon leaving our previous hotel).



The day was a hot one, as tends to happen in Mort Mauderdale. And we all know that the heat can take its toll on even the best of us.








As we came to our first intersection, we watched as two cars turned in the same direction, attempting to merge into the same lane.



Both cars laid on the horn.



At the next block we saw the light turn green, and the lead driver was a bit slow to hit the gas. Which is apparently why the line of cars behind him...



...laid on the horn.



By intersection three we were curious. Would the trend continue? Sure enough, a car blocked the intersection while waiting for traffic to pass, causing a whole bunch of other cars to...



...lay on the horn.



We were puzzled. What was up with all that honking? And what did it say about the city of Mort Mauderdale?



And that's when we realized that the honking really had nothing to do with the city, or the heat, or even the cars that might have been at fault.



The honking had to do with the drivers who were doing it...the honkers if you will.



Now, to be fair I really can't judge too harshly on this one. I've certainly done my share of honking in this lifetime. Really, we all have.








But I also know what honking really is.



Honking is the opportunity to let someone know you're frustrated or angry, without ever having to face them in person. Honking is a form of passive aggression, and a somewhat cowardly one at that.



Honking is something that feels OK for many of us to do, but feels terribly personal when it happens to us.



Honking may create sound on the outside, but it happens because we're not too happy inside...and we need a release.



When you look at it this way, honking doesn't just happen in cars.

• Honking happens in social media, when we post something nasty about a place of business or an elected official, knowing we'll never have to look them in the eye


• 
  


• Honking happens when we shout nasty judgements at the celebrities or news reporters on our television sets, even though we don't know them at all


• 
  


• Honking is the snarky comment we make about a co-worker under our breath...the passive aggressive dig we give to our sister...the rolling of the eyes when the store clerk isn't moving fast enough

This kind of honking has nothing to do with those we're honking at...



...and everything to do with us as honkers.



What it really means is that we ourselves are frustrated or just feel bad in some way. It means that we are desperate to let off a bit of steam, to play the victim, to blame someone else for how we're feeling.



Sure, sometimes honking is necessary...like when a car drifts into our lane, or when a driver isn't paying attention. But we're not talking about that kind of honking.



We're talking about the bitter, laying-on-the-horn, passive-aggressive kind of honking.



The good news is that when we honk - inside the car or in another way - we've got a surefire sign that something is amiss in our lives. Which means we can then set about figuring out what it is and getting our lives back on track.



It's just up to us as honkers to take notice.



A few pointers for those on either side of the honking relationship...



To those who honk:

• Recognize what it means when you lay on the horn


• 
  


• Notice when you do it more, the patterns going on in your life


• 
  


• Understand the real reason you're all honk-crazy


• 
  


• Then try to make the problem better

To those who get honked at:

• Cut the driver some slack. He or she isn't in a good place. And you are. Because you're not honking.


• 
  


• Try not to take it personally. Really, it's not about you. (Unless you drive really terribly. Then it might be a little bit.)


• 
  

I tried to remember this during that hot walk in Mort Mauderdale, and it worked. Because in that moment I was not in a honking place myself.



Nor was I later...when our mission was accomplished so successfully.








This week...



Recognize your honking tendencies - inside and outside of the car.



Figure out what's really up with your honking.



Then make it better. Honk less. Feel happier.





PS: Special thanks to humboldthead for the baby photo and istolethetv for the pooch pic.



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