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How I'm Honoring My Mother, My #1 Fan, Who Passed Away 7 Years Ago Today

Seven years ago today my mother Ann passed away 26 days after being diagnosed with four types of cancer. My mom was my rock, my confidant and my best friend. She was an elementary school teacher who worked with students with disabilities and she lived every day giving back to her family and her community. She also managed to be her kids' #1 fan, and supported my siblings and me in all of our endeavors. I know that my success is because of her support and faith in me.

My mother's death was the hardest thing I have ever experienced and I needed a way to channel my pain. I started to do my research and learned some sobering statistics -- the American Cancer Society estimates that about half of all men and one third of all women will develop cancer during their lifetimes. Those living in low income communities have lower rates of cancer screenings and higher rates of late stage disease, meaning their cancer is discovered later and is harder to treat. I knew I could use my platform as an athlete to make a difference, and in 2008 I founded Athletes vs Cancer with a goal to raise awareness and funds for cancer screenings. Over the past six years I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from teammates, celebrities, friends, family and community members who have joined us in this work. It seemed so difficult at first but now I realize -- you just have to take the first step and you will be amazed at how much you can accomplish.

I started Athletes vs Cancer as a way to honor my mother, but now giving back has become a part of who I am, and more importantly, this is a key value I hope to pass on to my own sons. My focus goes beyond advocacy and fundraising, and in recent years I've become personally involved volunteering with youth and teens battling cancer and other chronic illnesses.

One organization that is close to my heart is CoachArt, an organization that provides lessons in arts and athletics to children impacted by chronic illness. These kids are going through the toughest challenges, and because of their illness they often have to sit on the sidelines and watch other kids do what they can't. As a CoachArt Champion I've been able to attend their adaptive basketball clubs and play ball with these kids and it was incredible. As someone who has been impacted by illness in my own family, I know firsthand the transformative power of being a part of a team, and how important it is to see what you CAN do instead of being told what you can't.

#GivingTuesday is a day that celebrates giving back and thinking beyond yourself. You've read my story and you know the causes I stand up for, and I challenge each of you to find what matters most to you and take a stand. Every one of us has the ability to raise awareness, volunteer, educate our friends and family, and give back to our communities. You don't have to be a professional athlete to be heard -- the most powerful tool you have is your voice.

I promise you that whatever you are going through, giving back opens unprecedented doors. I still miss my mom every day, but when I see the smiles on the faces of the people that I help I know I am honoring her legacy.

This post is part of a series produced in celebration of #GivingTuesday, which will take place this year (2014) on December 2. The idea behind #GivingTuesday is to kickoff the holiday-giving season, in the same way that Black Friday and Cyber Monday kickoff the holiday-shopping season. The Huffington Post will feature posts on #GivingTuesday all month in November. To see all the posts in the series, visit here; follow the conversation via #GivingTuesday and learn more here.

And if you'd like to share your own #GivingTuesday story, please send us your 500-850-word post to impactblogs@huffingtonpost.com.

from Healthy Living Blog on The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/1vU0M3R

Final Arrangements Should Be Made Sooner Rather Than Later

No one wants to make arrangements for the death of a terminally ill friend or family member. It's painful to think about any loved one's eventual passing, but it's important to make the arrangements sooner rather than later. In fact, it's best to do it when you first learn your loved one has a terminal diagnosis. Why? Because once you have taken care of all the plans, you can just relax and enjoy spending whatever precious time you have left together.

There are other reasons as well. One is that you'll save yourself untold stress when your loved one does pass away. When you're grieving and not functioning at your best, you won't have to rush around making a multitude of arrangements, gathering needed documents and information, making important decisions, and performing a whole host of other tasks, many of which have to be completed quickly.

More importantly, you'll have time to visit with your closest friends and family at the time of the death. These persons will be critical providers of emotional support for you. If you haven't made the needed arrangements, you'll be so busy you won't have much time to spend with them.

Although you can't arrange everything in advance, there are several tasks you can complete. You may want to include your loved one in the planning, but if you don't, you should find a friend or family member who can help you. That will make it a little less daunting.

Medical/Legal Issues: Hopefully your loved one will already have a living will, power of attorney and durable power of attorney for health care. If they don't, you should encourage them to execute these documents as soon as possible. This will guarantee that their wishes regarding their end-of-life care will be carried out. The documents will provide instructions as to whether they want heroic measures taken to extend their life, whether they want a Do Not Resuscitate order and other issues.

If you're the parent or guardian of a terminally ill minor, you won't need these documents. However, for a mentally disabled adult who can't execute the documents, such as a person with dementia or severe mental illness, you may have to go to court to gain guardianship of the person, especially when family members don't agree on what to do.

Call list: One of the first things you will have to do when the person dies is inform family members and friends. This can be immensely draining. It's a good idea to prepare a list, including phone numbers, of people who will have to be notified. You don't have to call all the people yourself. You can indicate on the list which friends and family members you'd like to make each specific call on your behalf. That way you can reduce your burden by calling only those few people who are closest to you.

Obituary: Obituaries need to be sent to newspapers promptly. You can write it or have someone else prepare it. Start by collecting all the needed information. This will include important dates and other information about the person's life, such as what years they were in the military (if applicable), the specific years they worked at a particular company, the year they married, the spelling of any names you might not know, and any other details you'd like to include.

Also, select a photograph if you want to have one displayed in the obituary. Finally, record the phone number of the newspaper(s) where you want the obituary to appear. You can always make any needed changes later.

Eulogy: It takes time to prepare a thoughtful, well-written eulogy. The first step is to determine whom you'd like to deliver it, and then ask them if they will do it. Have the person write as much as possible in advance. They will probably need you to supply some details about your loved one's life. If you want to deliver the eulogy yourself, go ahead and prepare it, getting any help you may need from a friend or family member who is a gifted writer. This document, too, can always be revised later if need be.

Funeral: Go to a funeral home and make (and pay for) all the needed arrangements so when the time comes all you have to do is place one call to them. Also, if you want to make any remarks at the funeral, prepare them now. Give some thought to other people you may want to speak and ask them in advance. This is also a good time to select the music you want played and investigate potential performer(s) if you want live music. Other tasks include designating pall bearers, selecting any prayers you want read, making up the official program, selecting the person you want to officiate, and choosing a religious speaker if you want one.

Reception after the funeral: If you plan to have some sort of reception or meal after the funeral, figure out where you want to have it. If it will be in someone's home, pick out a caterer unless you will ask your guests to each bring a dish.

Memorial service (If you plan to have one): Think about where you'd like for it to be held. Prepare a framed photograph if you plan to display one at the service. Other tasks are the same as those for a funeral service.

Burial location: If you're planning to have a traditional burial and your loved one doesn't have a plot, select a cemetery and purchase one. You can also look into headstones at this time.

Disposition of cremains: If the person will be cremated, determine where you want the cremains to be placed. And when you're making those arrangements, which it's best to pay for in advance, select an urn. This can be an especially gruesome task that's best dealt with before the time of need.

Making final arrangements for a disabled terminally ill loved one who is still living can be very stressful and may feel macabre, but it will not be as agonizing as having to do it at the time of their death.

Marie Marley is the author of the award-winning memoir Come Back Early Today: A Memoir of Love, Alzheimer's and Joy. Her website has a wealth of information for Alzheimer's caregivers.

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Thanksgiving and Awakenings

Painful lessons often yield great blessings. At no time do we feel this more acutely than the holidays.

In 2009, Toti Cadavid, born in Columbia and a longtime resident of Lone Tree, Colorado, almost lost her life on Thanksgiving Day. She and her husband Luis and two of their children were in Puerto Rico visiting Luis' family. On Thanksgiving eve the couple had a joyous dinner with childhood friends, laughing and reminiscing as only old friends can do. When it was time to leave, the streets were very dark and the rain was unrelenting. Luis, who was raised in Puerto Rico and accustomed to driving in heavy rain, drove carefully but still the car skid on a turn and they slammed into the side of a mountain. Hard. So hard that a protruding rock punctured the passenger side floor, stopping the car's trajectory but pushing the tire inside of the car, instantly crushing Toti's leg. Luis was bleeding. Yet by the grace of God, they were alive and able to leave the hospital on Thanksgiving afternoon. Toti had a broken foot and severely sprained neck, and both she and Luis were bruised and cut and badly shaken, but that day they feasted on life.

Immediately, on a very deep level, Toti realized that the accident was the awakening she needed to change her life.

By now she'd spent half her career in corporate America working in international marketing and traveling the world. Early on it was glamorous, but the allure faded over time while trying to balance the responsibilities of children, marriage, and real life. "I got to the office at 7 a.m. and felt guilty when I left at 7 p.m.," she says.

Thinking that the entrepreneurial path would offer her better work-life balance, Toti started Xcelente Marketing, a Hispanic marketing and public relations outfit. Success came quickly but here again Toti found herself falling into old behaviors, and this time, working late nights and weekends from home.

"This was the way I thought it was supposed to be," she says. "I was raised with high expectations for myself." Indeed. Toti holds a bachelor's degree in international business, a masters' degree in marketing, another master's degree in management & organizational development, and a certificate in entrepreneurship, all from the University of Colorado. She's also a graduate of Harvard's Kennedy School of Government Executive Management Program and the Dartmouth University Tuck Minority Business Executive Program.

Still, after the accident, Toti was filled with questions. Did I even like marketing anymore? What did I really want to do in my life? What needs to change?

She immersed herself in Landmark and classes in Neuro Linguistics Programming. She saw executive coaches and began to devour self-help books about finding happiness. "The more I learned, the more I couldn't figure out how a well educated person like me could be so ignorant about life."

The questions kept coming until finally Toti discovered that searching for her purpose was the answer. She would use her own life experience and business skills to help other women awaken to their dreams and find success based upon their passions versus societal expectations. Toti became a transformational coach and founded Ufulfilled. She's off and running with her new company, but this time, with a very different mindset. "I'm present today, present to myself and present for my family," says Toti. "Now I understand that happiness emanates from the inside and is possible for everyone."

It's never too late to change old ways. This hard-won wisdom has transformed Toti's relationships with her family, particularly her oldest son Nicholas, 23, who has primordial dwarfism. "I used to think Nicholas happened to me. Now I know that he happened for me." Which is to say that today she sees Nicholas, with his supremely positive and happy disposition at little more than three feet tall, as a towering gift.

This Thanksgiving marks the fifth anniversary since Toti and Luis's accident. A milestone. As the family shares a quiet, heartfelt dinner with dear friends they will feast on the American fixings like Turkey and stuffing but "Latinize" it with Tres Leches cake and Luis's mother's flan. The blessings are abundant.

Be present and mindful this Thanksgiving of all that you have and all that stands in your way. We don't need an accident like the one that Toti had to move her life in the direction she wanted.

Awaken yourself.

Pictured from left to right are: Catalina Colon (11 years old), Santiago Colon (12 years old), Luis Colon, Nicholas Walker (23) and Toti Cadavid.

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Musings on the Holidays

I'll be honest. I've been working on a post about Thanksgiving for two weeks.

As many find around the holidays, I have a tough time this time of year. Fortunately for me, it's not because I was raised in an abusive home. I've not battled drug or alcohol abuse, but it was headed home for Thanksgiving break from college my junior year that the holidays took a turn for me. And for my mom. And a friend who's a sister.

We were in a horrific car accident. An accident I was driving in. An accident I walked away from with a cut on my finger, but my sister was taken by ambulance to one hospital and my mom by helicopter to another. Now when I think of Thanksgiving those are the memories that cross my mind. Not thoughts of J, C, N, S, K, N and our parents and grandparents, but having to call my dad and B's mom and my brothers and... and... and.

I'm so grateful that neither B nor Mom remember that night. I'm glad Mom doesn't remember much of the weeks afterwards. But me? I remember almost all of it. I remember I got a cut on my finger while my mother was fighting for her life. As a result? I've not spent a single Thanksgiving with my family since 2005.

I've volunteered to work. I've been "conveniently" invited to spend the holiday with my friends' families. I've, in short, done everything humanly possible to avoid Thanksgiving with my family.

This is all while acknowledging, with immense gratitude, how lucky I am. Because my parents, my brothers, my sisters-in-law, while I've never explicitly said all this to them, seem to intuitively "get it." Just another way I'm lucky.

But there are so many who aren't so lucky. Their families aren't there in any way -- physically or emotionally. They've never been surrounded by love and laughter. They've never had someone spend 10 hours creating a feast fit for a proverbial king. These people may not have the words or the platform to say, "Back off. I need to be alone."

So please remember. American media may portray the holidays as a Norman Rockwell painting come to life, but for millions such is not the case. The material means aren't there to cook the meal or buy the presents. The family and friends may not be there to cook the meal or buy the presents for. The memories of the awful drown out the possibility of anything more.

Please respect the boundaries your loved ones, coworkers and acquaintances are putting forth. In a time already filled with so many stressors, do any of us really need more?

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Holiday Stress Relief List

Everyone has a different take on why the holidays are so stressful. For some people the holidays are too commercial, for others the holidays mean spending a lot of money and credit card debt. For some people, the holidays are a painful reminder of a loved one who is no longer there.

If there is one thing that sums up holiday stress it's having too much to do and not enough time to do it. When you start with an already hectic work schedule and add in the demands of holiday shopping, holiday baking, entertaining, gift-giving, the sending out holiday cards and spending copious amounts of money, you have a formula for a stressful December. This is one seasonal recipe you should try to avoid. And so here is a holiday stress-relief list, just in time for Black Friday.

1. Start early. In November, I will try to spend two or three evenings (at least) shopping for gifts. (Next year, think about spending just one evening in October, too.) It's so much more pleasant to shop before Thanksgiving when it's not crowded and you can easily find a parking space. You will really feel a lot more in control of your life if you can just knock off even 25 percent to 50 percent of your Christmas list before Black Friday comes a-haunting. Plus, by spreading your spending over three months instead of two, the more you will feel more in control of your finances.

Other things you can do ahead of time include hanging outdoor lights, getting cards ready ahead of time, and purchasing and decorating the tree. I often get my tree on the Saturday after Thanksgiving and put it up the following weekend. This year Thanksgiving comes late, so I'll probably just put the tree up when I bring it home and get the holiday season started a little early.

2. Make a list of what NOT to do. As you head into the holiday season there are numerous chores, errands and projects that can be put off until January when your schedule will open up. Whether it's cleaning up the garage, shopping for a new sofa (which wouldn't arrive in time for the holidays anyway) or painting the kid's bedroom, don't start any optional projects right now.

3. Streamline what you dislike and savor what you love. We all have things we love to do at the holidays and things we wish we didn't have to do. If you love making potato latkes or getting the Christmas tree -- set aside time and make an afternoon of it. Get the whole family involved if you want to or just savor this activity yourself. On the other hand, if you dislike doing cards don't feel obligated to "keep up with the Joneses." Just say no -- or streamline the process -- cut your list way down, get a simple card, sign it (no long notes!) and send it on its way (guilt-free).

4. Find the true meaning of the holidays. Whether it's attending services, donating toys and food, volunteering at a homeless shelter, visiting an elderly shut-in, or even watching "It's a Wonderful Life," look for activities that give you an emotional and/or spiritual lift. Remember the word "holiday" is short for Holy day. Let this definition be a reminder of the true meaning of the season.

5. To experience joy: allow extra time. Time pressure kills joy. Be aware of how time pressure can turn a pleasurable activity, like shopping or even going to a party, into an activity that loses its fun-factor. Whenever you're feeling rushed, chances are you'll wind up feeling crabby and stressed, too.

Bottom line: Build in extra padding into your busy schedule. If you think an activity will take an hour -- allow at least two hours. I guarantee that if you follow just this one bit of advice, you'll experience more joy.

6. Prioritize your list. People are great at making lists but they rarely prioritize their lists. As a result, you wind up picking off low-priority tasks like vacuuming or raking leaves and not leaving enough time for high priority activities like spending time with family and friends. If the holidays seem hollow check your priorities and see if the things that are really important to you are at the top of your list.

7. Allow time for yourself. Don't forget to allot some time every day (even if it's just a half an hour) to recharge your own batteries. You can't make anyone else happy if you are feeling miserable and stressed inside. Give yourself permission to go for walk, exercise, take a bath, listen to music, enjoy a leisurely cup of tea or do something just for the fun of it.

For even more advice on how to enjoy the holidays visit our website. All of us at StressStop.com wish you the happiest of holiday seasons and a lot less stress in the New Year.

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How to Be Grateful and Stay Grounded This Holiday Season

I am so excited for my son to be home from college this week! His brothers keep telling me that they are happy and looking forward to have him home too. My son who is traveling home was saying that he is so excited to sleep in his own bed and to eat a home-cooked meal.

Through all of these feelings, I realize how important it is to be grateful for the little things in life. During the holidays, even if you don't celebrate, you feel the excitement and tension in the air. There is so much power in simplicity, which is why I enjoy taking a holistic and uncomplicated approach in my holiday traditions.

This year, I will be cooking organic turkey for my kids, but I will also making vegan dishes that are healthy and easy to make. I stay committed to my yoga practice, since it has really provided me with the tools to take everything I learned on the mat and apply it to my life. I also enjoy a hike during the downtime of the cooking process. When I am done cooking, I take a bath with some sandalwood oil to ground my energy. I feel that if the host is chill, then everyone will have a good time.

During the holidays, we should talk about gratitude and try to keep an open heart, even if the week can provoke stress. We need to stay committed to ourselves while we engage with others. This time of year can be so exciting and so much fun, especially when we get to spend time with people we love and that we enjoy being with. Just remember to keep your inner smile and stay positive throughout the holiday season!

With love,

Osi

To learn more about Osi Mizrahi, please visit her website, Facebook and Twitter.

For more by Osi Mizrahi, click here.

For more on yoga, click here.

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Techies U R Da Best

Just for the record, I'm thankful for my family, my work, my country, and those fighting to keep me safe. I deeply appreciate the gift of a beautiful sunrise, a long walk on the beach, and a swim in the ocean, and every day I get to be on the planet with my three oversized, goofy dogs, Polly, Dorothy, and Hank.

But I want to offer a special thanks to the technologists of the world -- all those who work anonymously in the world's labs and engineering departments to come up with the circuits, code, and contraptions that have combined to change life as I know it.

I know that technology sometimes cheapens our lives, diverts us from deeper meanings, pollutes our world, and, in the wrong hands, even threatens our lives. (It can also break our hearts, as I learned when my hard drive crashed, taking with it months of work that even computer geniuses working in a "cleanroom" in California could not bring back to me. Back up your files, people.)

I like it anyway.

I know that science is making people healthier, the world cleaner, societies safer, transportation faster, humanity more hopeful. And I appreciate all of that. I really do. But this "thank you" is all about me, a member of a generation that knows that "cc" on your email actually stands for "carbon copy." (Those sheets of paper with ink on them that you put between two pages of blank paper in a typewriter are thankfully all gone.)

In ways my children never can, because they were swaddled in technology's benevolence, I have points of reference. I remember the heady liberation of my first three-minutes-per-page fax machine, and my first cellphone, which was the size of a brick. I've been in line at the post office.

To all the technologists who have made my life easier, faster, and better, thank you for (in no particular order):

The fact that I don't have to get out of the chair every time I want to change a channel.

The more than 600 channels beamed from space. I only watch seven of them, but I like knowing they're there. You never know when you'll want to see a cheetah chase a wildebeest.

Putting the great, global brain of the Internet at my fingertips. Need the current population of Zimbabwe? It's 15,149,838.

GPS maps and the soothing voice of the lady who tells me when and where to turn. She's a genius.

Cable television programming that gives me The Honorable Woman instead of Wife Swap.

The fact that one device that can be smaller than a deck of cards holds my appointments, my work, and contact information for everybody I know. When necessary, I can use it to make a phone call.

Text messaging and Snapchat. Sure, it's ruining the English language, faces look freaky, and it's not very personal. But with a husband constantly traveling, a son running his own business, a daughter at college, and me walking the quiet halls of an empty nest, I'll take it. After all, "Luv U" is now a universal language.

Twitter, which is great and so important and lets the folks who sign up on my site know what I had for lunch and where I ate it. I can even post a picture of the food.

Instagram, which shows important people in my life (and some I don't even know or would care to know) the most private parts of it -- even if they are not particularly interested.

The fact that I'm able to find the perfect pair of shoes without leaving the house -- and then send them back for free when I realize they aren't as perfect as they looked.

Giant TV screens and theater-quality sound, with nobody munching popcorn right behind me or with a giant head right in front of me. Just three big dogs in my lap, snoring.

The fact that I can buy the two songs from a CD that I want without paying for the eight that I don't.

Most of all, dear technologists, thank you for putting me in charge. You have moved power from the center to the edge. You have broken down the barriers. You have removed the filters. You have created an electronic democracy that Thomas Jefferson would have loved.

I look forward to hydrogen cars, household robots, and Moon colonies.

Until then, thanks again for my iPad.

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